How to Deal with Miserable People?

This is not a self-help article on how to deal with miserable people. This is a question.

I have a problem. I am sharing an office with a bunch of miserable people. Not all of them are, just some of them. These miserable bunch is like a group of Harry Potter’s dementors who suck all the happiness and good energy from whoever pass them. I am not exaggerating.

Let me spill the detail. Today I made a cheese and onion toasties for my lunch. They are yummy. I used mature cheddar cheese that was left from our dinner the night before. Then a miserable guy from this lot – there are about four miserable people there – came to the shared kitchen and said, “Ah, so you are the culprit!” He never spoke to me before, normally when I said good morning or hi whenever we passed, he just walked as if I were a transparent ghost.

I said, “Excuse me?” Then he said, “Your cheese smells. I could smell it even from when I got out of the lift.”

Ah, so he is a cheese hater, I thought. So I kindly – with a smile – asked, “So you don’t like cheese? What a shame. Cheese is nice!”

He said, “No, I like cheese. But your cheese smell!” (Jesus! What a miserable sod!)

Just before he left the kitchen I said, “Why don’t you get an oxygen mask.” I’m not sure whether he heard my suggestion or not. I don’t care. He hates my cheese so I can’t help but dislike him.

What I wanted to tell him but did not have time to think it over was this, “Look mate, I came from a third world country, I’ve seen real hunger. So I never wasted food. Last night’s left over is my lunch. Besides, my stomach can take any expired food and it never failed me.” I did not say this. Instead I just left the office and sit in the sun for half an hour.

About a month ago, an old lady from the same bunch suddenly told us off. We – some colleagues from my team and I – were chatting casually about some current affair news It was the palarva in America caused by a crazy Christian who declared 9/11 as a Quran burning day. We were lightly discussing about flag burning in demonstrations – American flag is very popular for this purpose that one of my colleague had an idea to open a business of “easy burning American flag” – and how one culture to another view this kind of expression.

Then this woman – who was normally very chatty, many times she stopped by our desks to chat about many things and no one could stop her talking – suddenly said, “Excuse me, if you guys want to chat, could you chat somewhere else. I am working.” Huh?!! I could not believe my hearing, but apparently I wasn’t hearing voices because my big big boss was there and she opened her mouth so wide in amazement and said, “Did she just told us to shut up?”

The same old woman once followed me around from the kitchen to comment about my team – something that is none of her business at all. This was one Friday afternoon, about quarter to four. My two colleagues just left the office – they were actually going to our other office across the road. I was washing my cups in the kitchen and it was too late to avoid her. She came to me saying, “Adeline, what is wrong with your team? This is a quarter to four and people already left!”

While trying to run away, I said to her, “Maybe they are taking flexi or going to the other office, I don’t know. I am not the manager.” She followed me around and said her words about 10 centimetres from my ear (and she is LOUD), “But this is still office hours!! Bla….Bla….” I ran faster and stopped at my boss’ desk saying, “Ask him. He is the manager, I’m not.” My poor nice boss who were concentrating on some work got up and asked me, “What’s the matter what’s the matter?” By this time, the old woman had already walked away back to her desk mumbling to herself. I was left speechless and could only said, “It is none of her business. It is none of her bloody business.”

Yesterday I got a task from my line manager to print some forms. There are a few different forms that are colour coded, so I needed to load different coloured paper into the joint printer. I could sense trouble soonest I got hold of some pink papers. The dirty looks that was aimed at me was so strong that they could kill a passing fly or bee! A miserable woman – and this one is the champion of all miserable people for the reason that I will tell you next – rolled her eyes so widely that I was worried they might popped out of her eye sockets.

I could not be bothered loading the paper tray with pink, yellow and green papers with three-four dementors hovering around me waiting to make a kill. Oh no, it’s not worth my life! So I told my boss that I will do the task in the morning in our other office, away from the dementors.

Now the champion of the miserable people. First of all, the face. I can’t really blame anyone for having a miserable face, because it might be that it was just nature’s freak or genetically mutant face. However, her attitude totally reflect her miserable face. A few weeks ago, our automatic office door jammed. It kept on refusing to open, no matter how close your fob was to the door panel.

I arrived at the office that morning, being locked out and waiting for the door to open (saying, “Open Sesame!” but with no luck), until Roger the nice guy from that lot came to the rescue. He yanked the door from inside, pulled it close before pressing the button again. Magically, the door opened!

So later that day, when the door became moody again, I jumped to help out people who were stuck outside. I did exactly the same as nice Roger did. There were two people outside: the miserable champion woman and the smelly cheese guy. While I yanked the door toward me, she made a frantic motion outside and shouted, “Stop! Stop! Don’t do that, it would only make it worse.” Still, I managed to open the door. Then guess what she said as she walked in? There is no “thank you”. Oh no! She said (with a very grumpy face that will certainly scared the police horse), “You should not do that!!!! You only made the door worse!!!”

I was so shocked that I could only whispered, “Thank you for trying to help by the way.”

Oh my God, good gracious Lord….! What is wrong with these people?

I am thinking about getting a laughing gas (N2O or Nitrous oxide) and gas the whole office with it. The problem is, our office is not air conditioned. Although I don’t mind becoming the victim myself, but I think the whole office is rather too big for it to take into effect.

I am also thinking about “Dodol Aceh” or Acehnese sweet, that would certainly make people giggle with no reason. Unfortunately, the main ingredients for this delicacy is now a controlled substance Class B. Hmmm… I have to find some other ways…. Where can I get stink bomb? Local jokes shop? Hmmm....

Anyone has any idea of how to deal with a bunch of miserable people?