MOANING

I think it is true that it takes less time to act – right the wrong and do something about your problem – than to moan. However, I suspect some people just love to moan.

A woman in the Ladies room moaned. She looked at two cubicles, and said, “Why is it that people did not flush properly?” I had looked at them before she entered the Ladies and there are some tissues unflushed in the bowls. That’s it. It’s nothing like public toilets in Jakarta that requires some skill of blocking your nose - and eyes- while doing your business.

I said to her, “Why don’t you just flush them? They are not really dirty, just some tissues in the bowls.” Then she started the whole art of moaning. “Yeah, but if I flush before, then there won’t be enough water for myself to flush… bla…bla… bla..” I did not reply, just walked to the two cubicles and flushed the toilets. Job done in two seconds. She stopped moaning and my ears stop hurting.

That was one short moan.

I have heard a lot more annoying moan. The episode would last from 30 minutes up to four hours, as long as we let them talk. “My life is a mess, my children are rubbish, my house looks like what’s left of The Titanic, my job is shit, I’m depressed.” Now that is one serious moan. The sad fact is, there are so many serious moaners like this among us earthlings.

This one requires a whole week course on SWOT (strength weakness opportunity threat) analysis and another month course on personal management. Reading 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey would be a good start. Although for a serious moaner like this, the full expensive course run by Covey’s licensed company might still be useless.

I suspect serious moaners are moaning just for the sake of it. They like to get attention and to make other people responsible for their own problems. They like to repeat. Something like, “Oh Dear, you cannot believe how stressful I am. I have to work everyday, and then clean up the house. My teenage children do not help at all. Then I have to cook and feed them, not that they cannot prepare their own dinner. It's always me who have to do everthing. I am so stressed.”

Listening to this, we can only nod. And then he/she will start the next paragraph which contain the exact same problem, “Oh, I am so stressful. Someone need to tell my children that they have to help out at home. I am the only one who work. They just stay home all day making mess, they do not clean up, they do not was up. Oh dear, I am so stressful, my doctor prescribed me a lot of anti depressant but they do not help.”

These types of serious moaners are usually adults – over 30s – who we expect to be mature. What worse is, when the moaners are parents. I really don’t understand some human beings. We were born with instinct just like birds and monkeys. We have natural instinct to survive, to help our children fledge their nests, we have simple logic to solve problems.

For serious heavy weight moaners, life is about themselves. Every single problem is there to add misery to their lives. They do not watch the news, because the news will show them that others have more serious problems than themselves. Serious moaners thinks the universe evolve around her/him.

Let’s analyse the example above. This moaner complaint on having to work everyday. Anything extra ordinary about having to work? I don’t think so. So the job is shit. Has she/he tried to apply for another job? Has she/he ever think that maybe it’s her/his own attitude that’s shit? Then her/his children are not helping at home. Well, did this moaner parent ask them – or give them order – to do the dishes and to clean up the house?

The next question is who brought them up and educated them from baby to teenagers? Did she/he teach them how to make up their own bed, wash up the dishes, iron their own clothes? Does she/he think they can do the house chores automatically when they are over 16 without being taught how to?

I really cannot understand serious moaners like this. So everyone has to work. Every parent has to deal with the mess kids left. But then, every parent has the responsibility to teach the children how to clean up their mess!

Ha! Now I am the moaner!

But I do have an action plan on how to deal with moaners. And more, my “hot to deal with moaners” formula have been tested several times. It works for me.

For light weight moaners like the lady with the unflushed toilet, just show her/him the simple action to fix the problem. Then say, “There you go. No problem now, nothing to moan about. Bye!”

As for heavy weight moaners who claimed to have a shit life, well.. I could only say, “Have you DONE this? Did you DO that? Why not? Why not try…” And then if all advice did not work, just write about it, do the written moaning like a diary.

Phew…. It’s good to do a written a moan! Enjoy your day, your hour, your minutes, your seconds. Because for every single problem that you have, there is someone out there having ten times bigger problem than you…!

Mother’s Creed

I had a long chat with 12-year-old son today. About life. About his futures. About values and belief. I told him I want him to be a good human who works hard not just for himself but for others. I told him that I don’t want him to work just for money – for money will come when you work hard. I want him to find something that would make him happy. I want him to be independent, but my door and arms will always be open for him.

This creed I wrote is my belief. This is my expectation for myself – as a mother. I have seen too many parents who need a parenting order from the Court, or parents who spoilt and push their children to make money – but forgot to tell them to pursue happiness and the greater good.

Mother’s Creed

Mothers (and fathers) are the provider of love and education to prepare their children to face the world

A mum’s door and arms will always open for her children – no matter how old they are
A mum wants her children to be independent, to earn their own living once they’re 18
But wherever she lives, her house is always a home for her children

A mum will support her children to pursue their dreams
She will give them a little push and a hub when they are weary or down

Mother’s love is forever unconditional
Her arms are always open for her children no matter how old they are

Mum would tell off her children when they are naughty
She would say, “I hate your behaviour but I never stop loving you.”
Mum might punish her children – grounded them, washed their mouth with soap or bird eye chilli when they said bad words, took their toys away
But mum will always give reason behind punishment, lesson for the future
And mum will never forget to tell her children that she loves them no matter what – and she shows this in her actions

A good mum wants her children to be happy – whatever their choices are
She would never push her children to work just for money
She would support her children to find a job that will satisfy their hearts
An idealist mum wants her children to pursue something higher than themselves
She would ask her children to help others in whatever they do – whatever occupation they may have in live

A Mother is the House Manager
She keeps the house clean and tidy, able to make do and mend
She delegates the tasks when she is busy
She teaches her children (girl AND boy) to iron their clothes, to stitch buttons, to cook
She will make sure that her children will survive the daily tasks when she’s not around

For religious people, a mother is the projection of God’s unconditional Love
Her calling in life is to make sure that her next generation will do good in this messed up world

"Welcome to the Black Parade"

This song by My Chemical Romance keeps on playing in my head. "When I was a young boy (I felt like a boy then), my father took me into the city to see a marching band...." The phantom that i inherit from him, his dreams his fights and his struggle... It brings flash backs of people who are no longer here on Earth. Flash backs of defining moments in my life, of struggle and fight, of defeat and tears. And after all the tears, life will go on and I shall carry on.

"Welcome to the Black Parade"

When I was a young boy,

My father took me into the city

To see a marching band.

He said, "Son when you grow up,

would you be the saviour of the broken,

the beaten and the damned?"

He said "Will you defeat them,

your demons, and all the non-believers,

the plans that they have made?"

"Because one day I'll leave you,

A phantom to lead you in the summer,

To join The Black Parade."

When I was a young boy,

My father took me into the city

To see a marching band.

He said, "Son when you grow up,

would you be the saviour of the broken,

the beaten and the damned?"

Sometimes I get the feeling she's watching over me.

And other times I feel like I should go.

And through it all, the rise and fall, the bodies in the streets.

And when you're gone we want you all to know.

We'll carry on,

We'll carry on

And though you're dead and gone believe me

Your memory will carry on

We'll carry on

And in my heart I can't contain it

The anthem won't explain it.

A world that sends you reeling from decimated dreams

Your misery and hate will kill us all.

So paint it black and take it back

Let's shout it loud and clear

Defiant to the end we hear the call

To carry on

We'll carry on

And though you're dead and gone believe me

Your memory will carry on

We'll carry on

And though you're broken and defeated

Your weary widow marches

On and on we carry through the fears

Ooh oh ohhhh

Disappointed faces of your peers

Ooh oh ohhhh

Take a look at me cause I could not care at all

Do or die, you'll never make me

Because the world will never take my heart

Go and try, you'll never break me

We want it all, we wanna play this part

I won't explain or say I'm sorry

I'm unashamed, I'm gonna show my scar

Give a cheer for all the broken

Listen here, because it's who we are

I'm just a man, I'm not a hero

Just a boy, who had to sing this song

I'm just a man, I'm not a hero

I! don't! care!

We'll carry on

We'll carry on

And though you're dead and gone believe me

Your memory will carry on

We'll carry on

And though you're broken and defeated

Your weary widow marches on

Do or die, you'll never make me

Because the world will never take my heart

Go and try, you'll never break me

We want it all, we wanna play this part (We'll carry on)

Do or die, you'll never make me (We'll carry on)

Because the world will never take my heart (We'll carry on)

Go and try, you'll never break me (We'll carry)

We want it all, we wanna play this part (We'll carry on)

Congratulation for Mr Obama

If Mr US President-elect has time to read my silly blog... This is what I want to say...

Dear Mr Obama,

I can't and won't hide it, I'm a great fan of you. Not only because you look like my father when he was young, or because you are as mix (race, culture, background) as myself and shared Jakarta as (one of a few) childhood town(s). I am a great fan of you, the good listener who optimistically believes that making a difference is possible. Step by step. Gradually. Not an overnight miracle. Starting from our own hearts. Starting by accepting our own stories and backgrounds. And then listening to the voice of the voiceless.... Yes, I admire your strong belief that we CAN make a difference... Thank you for reminding me this conviction that I almost lost.

Many people I spoke to - a neighbour from Kenya, Indonesian friends, Black British, White British - said that you share a little bit of everything. My English friends proudly said that you have a brother in law and that you once were in a local pub called the Frog and the Bucket or something like that, somewhere in England among us the commons. My neighbour who just got back from Nairobi said that upon landing in Heathrow, the the pilot in command made and announcement that Mr Obama is now the US president-elect. I don't blame Kenyan government to announce a public holiday and an expat in Jakarta to open a "Sweet Home Obama Bar" in Mr Abu Bakar's house where you spent some part of your childhood.

Congratulations Mr Obama! Congratulation Bary of Menteng Jakarta...! I am proud of you, fellow Citizen of The World...!

Andy’s Big Idea to Solve World’s Problem

Try to list the World’s problem today and you’ll never finish until you are in your grave. It’s too long. World hunger. War. Human right violation. Torture. Nuclear weapon. Child labour. Discrimination. Genocide. And don’t even start with the term ‘climate change’ or ‘global warming’. We will never finish just listing them.

One day when listening to a discussion on BBC Radio 4 – or World Service, I can’t remember – Andy came up with a brilliant yet simple solution.

Yes, I have listened read and observe all those discussions, even written research papers on social political matters. But I have never thought of any solution. I always ended up confused and frustrated. Seems like whatever we human race do, we are doomed anyway. We always make bigger and bigger mistakes.

The latest and ‘sexiest’ debate is bio-fuel ‘to save the planet’. Is it really? Hmm..what about those rainforests sacrificed to plant those crops (soya and all its cousins)? What about the indigenous people who lost their only source of living? Not to mentioned the number of tribes and communities being evicted – many times with violence – to cater the massive plantation for bio-fuel.

People in rich countries – or even rich people in poor countries – donated lots of money to feed hungry children in the third world and for emergency aid in disaster areas. But what if we found out that the money was spent mostly on publication by the charity organisation? Have we ever question those charity organisation and relief agencies how many percentage spent on the real relief – food, shelter, and all that needed – and how many spent on their own ‘operational cost’?

What I saw in Aceh right after the Boxing Day Tsunami (2004) describes one big problem. I went to areas where a number of families were being supplied houses by UNHR while their neighbours received Oxfam houses and others received houses from USAID or other agencies. After a few months, they start comparing. The most ridiculous scene was IDP (internally displaced people) camps with different flags – one has Japanese flag, the one next door Canadian, USA, UK, Malaysian – it was like the UN headquarters moved. The Japanese medical team did not dare going to the camp with Canadian flag and vice versa. It was unthinkable but true.

I will sound very bitter and bitchy if I continue listing the examples. So I better go straight to Andy’s Big Idea to solve those problems.

That night when we were listening to the discussion on the radio, he said, “I’ve got a solution! One country should be responsible for another smaller country. Instead of everyone ‘fighting’ to ‘save’ one country in disaster, the ‘foster country’ should coordinate the relief.”

Let’s pick a small – poor, third world, underdeveloped – country. Let’s call it Z. Then pick a bigger – rich, first word, developed or even member of the G8 – country (call it A). Now we tell country A, “Right, you’ve been doing well. Now we give you a foster country. From now on, Z is your responsibility. Whatever Z doing, you are responsible. If the people in Z is hungry, you have to either feed them or find donors to feed them. If Z is killing its own people, the world will turn on you to solve it. If Z is doing better, you will get the credit for being a good ‘parent’.”

The biggest task – I imagine it would be for UN – would be distributing who is going to foster who. We imagine it could be by proportion – of populations and area. For example The USA is big, so it will receive a big but poor country in Africa or Asia. France is smaller, so it will be responsible for smaller poor country somewhere.

Let’s say USA adopted Indonesia. On second thought, not USA, say big country “A” (readers can imagine anything from Saudi Arabia to Andora). When Indonesia is abusing its power over West Papuan people and the world find out, the ‘parent’ “Country A” will get a slap around the head. The UN, other countries and the media will say, “You are doing a bad bad job A! Fix it!” Then say another big earthquake somewhere in Indonesia happened. Instead of all those G8 countries coming in and hire their own local offices for relief aid, the experts from “Country A” should coordinate this. Canada and UK and USA and/or other countries can donate through the US. If the relief aid coordination went wrong, we know who to point finger to.

It is simple. Really. We just need to convince the UN to apply this, and then to explain this concept to some simple minded bigots who look at fostering and adoption as interference to their own conventional way of doing things. Hmm… Maybe that’s the most difficult part.